Sodomy and Flowers

She requested a sadist, an asshole, a destructive force to barrel down her sacred tunnels of salvation with a love muscle and a fist. She demanded pain, both mentally and physically, in the bedroom and everywhere else. She wished to be verbally abused, told she was shit, and smacked when she disagreed. And she wanted a good looking man to do all this, not an overweight guy with missing teeth, and tall, with a full head of hair and a longfellow that could fill her beyond capacity and stretch her to the point of tearing. “Spank me, cut me, burn me, scar me, but never call me honey, never say I’m pretty, and above all else, never send me flowers.”

I told her what she wanted to hear, promised her pain and torture, torment and agony, with no respect or remorse, no apology or excuse. But I needed to know why, why she needed that kind of suffering in her life, what happened in her past that created a craving for such a destructive lifestyle.

She said “I'm sure that you, as a man, have experienced what happens when you are a really "nice guy." The woman eventually takes the lead and ends up waking all over you. The man ends up feeling resentful and can’t stand his bitchy girlfriend... running directly into the arms of a sweeter less demanding woman. The bitchy girlfriend ends up leaving him for a more dangerous controlling type. It’s happened before and will happen again. I might be a bit extreme in my tastes, but they're mine and I can’t help it. In my mind if a man is so enamored with me so as to hurt me to keep me near, then it can’t be that bad after all.” Her response was sobering, shocking to the core. “I have never been damaged or raped or traumatized. My parents were very loving. I’m just wired to enjoy control. It makes me feel more feminine. I don’t think I would want to be beaten or raped all the time. I just want to know that I can’t boss you around...ever.”

So I told her the truth, told her not what she wanted to hear but what I wanted to say. “I hear what you're saying about "nice guys" and "controlling women", but can't there be a compromise? Can't a man be nice to a woman and the woman accept that? If you want to pop on some nipple clips and have me sodomize you till you have explosive squirting orgasms that's fine, I'd be more than happy to, but I'll still cook you dinner and bring home flowers.”

Some time passed before her reply came streaming to my inbox. The anticipation of rejection building up, the expectation of dismissal rising through my chest, choking, suffocating, sharp in my throat. When I double clicked on her name and began reading, the words were unexpected, startling even, and in that single moment I took one step closer to understanding the psyche that is “woman”. Unfortunately it was one giant leap backwards to understanding women.

This was her retort and I shit you not, “Well if you’re offering to sodomize me and still bring me flowers then I should tell you that I love you and want to have your baby.”

Who knew that the way into a woman’s heart would be sodomy and flowers?